My One Rule for Parents When College Decisions Come In

College decisions are coming, and I give every parent the same rule: don't be more excited than your child, and don't be more sad than your child. Follow their lead.

It sounds simple. It is one of the hardest things you will do senior year, because you have been invested in this for years and you love this kid.

A rejection is not a verdict on your child

Most families will get both yeses and nos this season, sometimes in the same week. The nos are easier to hold when you understand where they come from.

One of my students was accepted to Harvard. That same student was rejected by other Ivies and other top schools. Same student, same application, same essays.

How does that happen? Colleges are businesses. Admissions offices aren't simply judging your child. They are doing two other things at the same time:

• Building a class. Each school wants a diverse mix of students, with different backgrounds, interests and strengths. Your child can be fully qualified and still not be the piece that school needs this year.

• Protecting their yield. Yield is the share of admitted students who enroll. Schools watch it closely, so they also ask who is likely to say yes to them.

So a rejection is one school's needs in one year. It is not a measure of your child's worth, effort or future.

What following their lead looks like

On decision day, watch your child before you react. Then match what you see.

• If they shrug off a no, shrug it off too. Don't bring it back up at dinner.

• If they need to cry, sit with them. You don't have to fix it or point to the schools still pending.

• If they want to celebrate, celebrate. Go as big as they want to go.

• If they are quiet about a yes, let it be quiet. Some kids need time before they share good news.

Your feelings are real too. Take them to another adult, not to your child.

When the no comes from your alma mater

This is the one that catches parents off guard. You may have pictured your child on your old campus for years, and the rejection can feel like it happened to you.

Leave the campus photos on the wall. Keep wearing the sweatshirt. Taking them down tells your child that their rejection cost the family something.

That is your disappointment, and it is not theirs to carry.

Be the steady presence during college decisions

Your senior is going to ride a lot of waves over the next few months. You don't have to ride them too. You just have to be the steady thing they come back to.

If you know a parent of a senior who needs this before decisions arrive, please share it with them.

Dr. Meg Iyer is the founder of Beyond Admission College Consulting. For more college admissions advice for parents, follow @beyondadmissionhq on Instagram or visit beyondadmissionconsulting.com.